I slept on Auntie Rae's bed last night with a soft, heavy red blanket, borrowing a pair of her sweats since I forgot to bring mine. At 2 o'clock my eyes opened, suddenly awake, even though Bryn hadn't made a sound. She was awake, so I got up and held her for about fifteen minutes to make sure she was really out before I put her back in her crib. When she's falling asleep she likes to play with your hair, so when her thumb fell out of her mouth and her fingers stopped twirling my ponytail I laid her down. She woke again at 6, and it didn't seem any different from 2; it was still really dark and looking out the windows, the whole valley was filled with fog. Bryn laid down with me and slept on my chest for another half hour, sucking her thumb with one arm around my neck. She's such a gorgeous little baby with her red hair, dark brown eyes and rosy cheeks. I don't know what made me start thinking about it, but I realized that I have been in an unconscious way, defining myself by where I go to school for the next four years. Its easy to feel 'undefined' as a someone who does school at home, but I have always known that its the life of Christ in me that should define who I am. I know that, but I think my heart, beneath the surface of that knowledge, was functioning by other standards.
I am happy being who I am. I'm in highschool, I'm not a highschooler. I am seventeen, I'm not a 'teenager'. I am who God created me to be, and I'm living the days set in front of me as that person. I know it sounds cliché but I don't say it because I am trying to convince myself that it's true - it is, and I love it that way.
It's a Lenny Kravitz afternoon. I love the overcast sky, and the feeling of being at home, warm and comfortable. I know, doesn't sound like Lenny Kravitz but he's just fitting the mood for me right now.
Oh yes, and I haven't mentioned this yet which is funny because its rather monumental. A new creature had been added to the household: an as-of-now unnamed chinchilla.
Maddie is calling him Pueb, short for Pueblo, because he's Chilean. We think his name should be Pueblo Fernando Ramirez Ricardo Escalante Antigua Sanchez. He smells like a vanilla-scented sock drawer freshener and makes rasping noises that sound like a jacket zipper being unzipped really fast.
5 comments:
did you do an over night babysitting job??
i know what you mean. i always think of how people categorize us as "teenagers" or seventeen year olds (better said) and it is hard.
i like how you have put this:-)
also even in government class (dont know how this came up) we talked about how low the expectation for "teens" its like," well, johnny did make his bed today." make his bed!? is that all??
we are so much more capable than that.
and since the world categorizing us this way, it is not of Christ. it just makes me think of how God created this time in our youth to serve with a full and loving heart and good attitude and not to be the sloppy people we are told we are. this time was given us to do what we cant when we have a family of our own... so we should use this time to proclaim His name and love... not to be sloppy=)
to be in the world and not of it, or its labels and expectations.
sorry i keep thinking of things to add on after i post the comment. lol!
sorry love=)
No its okay I like it! Im sorry I dont always respond, but generally its like youve said it already so I can just agree ( =
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