I feel like a piece of sea glass. I know my sharp and dangerous edges are being worn away, but it feels like my clarity of color, and the smooth surface of my heart's mind are being worn away as well. I am so tired, and I want the carefree abandon of those days when my sister and I played in the forest and swung on the rope and climbed the plum tree. The merciful love of my God has lifted my burdens, and the yoke of Christ is not heavy because of His strength. But I am still yoked, and I am searching again for the joy in it.
I don't cry anymore.
I used to cry all the time, and I miss the relief of salt on my cheeks. I don't like that I can't immediately see what a blessing it is to be yoked with Christ, the Lamb of my Father who is perfect and yet bears the scars that should mar my own body.
It seems like such a vain and selfish thing, to consider this time as a student a heavy trial. I am clothed and fed every day. I do not have to watch my children die of disease, hunger, and violence. I sleep under a wealthy North Eastern sky every night, warm and protected from the evil of my world. I labor at learning - not life over death. I am so blessed, and I am weary only because of the responsibility which accompanies those blessings.
God where am I? Why so downcast, o my soul?
1 comment:
It is just so hard sometimes! And stressful. Especially when all your hard work doesnt pay off sometimes.
I have to keep reminding myself that our loving Heavenly Father, is there to hold me up, if only I wouldn't rely on my own strength.
Know that I am keeping you in prayer my lovely. I miss you times a billion<3
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