Hannah asked me for a happy list; and that itself must go on it!
I am rarely happier than when collecting together the daily moments of goodness, extraordinary and not.
..and rarely more so without the presence of a kindly and honest simple-heart. She is one!
(It might look like a strange happy list, but it's what has made me feel full lately. It comes straight from my journal - in the future I will stick to legitimate lists I promise.)
A new book!
An hour in between homework and class to lie on my bed,
Reading a Psalm and wanting to reread it many times
Falling asleep with the open pages of a Sword tucked against my breast
A roomate sleeping next to me,
(our beds pushed together like little girls do)
Sunshine outside, cold with an invisible quality of Autumn,
It’s the reminder of death I think – so insistently emblazoned
but in celebratory richness.
Watching people be people,
Reminded of their fallibility but happy to see it –
because there is room and reason for You to be present, working there
even in people with higher built knowledge, more focused understanding
…or at least what seems like it.
Conversation and dinner with Mandie last night,
ouch, something kind of hurts and I know its because I am selfish.
Flipping a page of the art book on my desk,
a floral still life with fruit that is very beautiful (I usually don’t like them.)
Learning – maybe relearning –
Disheartened by my backsliding, I feel more pathetic than before
So I’ve got fistfuls of blonde
[and I wish I was brave enough to tear, to mourn and really sorrow about it.]
But then encouragement whispers through my hair:
sanctification.
This is good.
Confession with a circle of young women,
(let me be specific and honest!)
Justice and its difference from charity, Thomas Aquinas.
Why we must pray and ask for God’s eyes,
seeing where my heart for people is:
A steady smoldering of joyous heartbreak excites me –
I am studying for them,
getting up early to read for them,
struggling to be better and compassionate for them
and so that I can make Him happy.
Painting burgundy Giraffe spots,
studying a magnolia and myself;
Hearing the two women behind the library circulation desk,
one talks excitedly about how Christ is outside of time and controls it for us,
Later remembering how wonderful children are
And listening to a story written respectfully and lovingly for them.
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