Some snow would be nice.

As I finish my application to Gordon, the lyrics to Augustana's Boston keep playing in my head. I liked that song before it was on the radio every fifteen minutes, but the words all seem perfectly in sync with how I feel.

She said I think I'll go to Boston
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice

Boston, where no one knows my name...


I love Boston.

Revelation

When everything around me is fear, pain, death, heat and flame. My trust isnt shaken, but my joy is dimmed, my spirit hurts. My peace is left undisturbed, but I am sad. Indescribable sorrow can exist and not cause damage with faith, but I still have to fight back trembling. The world isn't in my hands, nor am I in the world's.

I turned around to see the voice that was speaking to me.

'Write, therefore, what you have seen, what is now, and what will take place later.'

Innocence is bliss

Sometimes I think that children are the only reason the world goes on. As I was walking through the store the other day, I felt oppressed by the state of the lives I saw around me. Glancing through the narrow little windows that people construct into who they are by their cell phone conversations or coffee discussions, I could see anger, confusion, lost hope, resignation, endless hurt. The people I passed by with tightly drawn foreheads, condemning eyes, and frustrated voices dragged my spirits further down. No encouragement, no patience. Each person walked past their fellow human being without a thought or care. And that is life, it's the norm. But then a little head bobbed by, just below my line of sight, short brown curls bouncing as the little thing went along through the store. There was a smile dimpling his round cheeks, and exuberant words and questions bubbled from his mouth. His mom tugged his hand gently to keep him next to her as his feet wove in zigzags, making a walk down the dish soap aisle a dizzying adventure. His joy, and the overflowing life he had held my despair at bay for a moment. Then there was a tiny little laugh, and a milder giggle echoed it. A mother was holding her baby girl; a perfect, soft baby who was looking up at her mother with clear, sparkling eyes. Such a tiny thing who was so beautiful and pure, so weak and protected. But I couldn't help but think how she wasn't going to stay that way. These wonderful little beings aren't tainted by the dark and the disfigured things of our world. So to watch as they lose little pieces of innocence - and even as I see where I have tasted fruits from the tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, is saddening. I want my innocence restored, my child eyes given back.

The narrow road is lonely.

Friends who are hurting,
Struggling.
Trying to help each other.
Judging despite good intentions.
Not helping.
Creating anger,
Fraying complicated threads.
Stepping aside from love;
Forgetting it unconsciously.
Slowly separating,
Abandoning their best support.
Some, afraid.
Others, angered.
Some, jealous.
Others, indifferent.

I, feeling helpless.
But free.
Free from the pain,
Standing in front of judgment.
Thoughts clear of envy,
Of wounds.

How can I help?
I want to.
But I don't know how to.

Eliza and Freddy

Pandora while I research India-Pakistan relations.

"I have often walked down this street before;
But the pavement always stayed beneath my feet before.
All at once am I Several stories high.
Knowing I'm on the street where you live..."


I wish it would rain. I love the grey sky, the moving clouds, but the illusion of cold - cold that promises hot drinks, lit fireplaces, thick scarves - is sad, because it is only an illusion. No need for scarves or the wonderful leather boots.


'...Are there lilac trees in the heart of town?
Can you hear a lark in any other part of town?
Does enchantment pour Out of ev'ry door?
No, it's just on the street where you live!'


I want to curl up on my bed and fall asleep. I did not get enough last night, though that was entirely my fault.


'...And oh! The towering feeling
Just to know somehow you are near.
The overpowering feeling
That any second you may suddenly appear!


Julie Andrews was Eliza Doolittle on Broadway, one of the most spectacular hits in its history, but when My Fair Lady was translated on to the screen, she lost her role to Audrey Hepburn. There is such a world of difference between the two of them in my mind; I think of Sound of Music and Sabrina and can't imagine either of them playing the same role as the other.

Grace Kelly made me laugh: "Emancipation of women has made them lose their mystery."


'...People stop and stare. They don't bother me.
For there's no where else on earth that I would rather be.
Let the time go by, I won't care if I
Can be here on the street where you live.'


I always liked Freddy better than Rex Harrison.